Well. I've been back for 2 days already since the end of Nationals, but I didn't really feel like blogging because I felt like crap..actually I still do. Nationals was a blast even though I played really badly and had bad food for most of the time. I played the u-1800,1900,2000,2100, and u-2200. I made a mistake by not signing up for U-18 Boys, but I just feel so intimidated because of all these kids who are so much better than me when I am already 16 years old. I really wish I started earlier, then I wouldn't be so bad right now. I didn't advance out of my 1800 and 1900 round robins, which I thought I would. I ended up losing to the C player in both of the events. They were rated around mid 1600s. I feel like I practice so hard, but my results never show my determination and will to exceed my expectations. I feel like such a letdown to myself, only mid 1800 when I am 16. Look at all these people. 11 years old and 2300. 12 years old mid 2000, 12 years old 2300, even Yuta is 1800 when he is 14. He is still ahead of me by 2 years. There is only 1 person who is like me, and that is Steven Li. That is the reason why we are such close friends, because we can relate to each other and understand our feelings. I try to keep my jealousy to a minimum, but I just cannot help it sometimes. When I always hear about Ariel and Lily and their amazing wins all the time, I get so pissed. I always say to myself, "So what if they are so good and so young?!" And everyone always praises them for how to good they are. Another thing that bothers me greatly is how Coaches can act sometimes. Some of them only respect players who have potential on becoming a great player when they are still young. For example, Dennis Davis always says how Yuta can make the Cadet/Junior team because he is only 14. He treats me a lot differently though, as if I have no hope left in the sport of Table Tennis. I am just sick of that. What happened to the "average player"? It seems like all people care about are young players who have great talent nowadays. Coaches, your attitude and actions can change a person's confidence and attitude towards themselves. After Nationals, I almost felt like quitting. Maybe I will, you never know. I am also bugged about teacher's pets. I am not going to name names but I know Dennis has his own favorites.
Oh well, other than that Nationals went pretty well. I traveled with Yuta,Dennis, and Guo Xie. (I know I spelled his name wrong). Every morning I would eat breakfast with Yuta at Paradise Cafe. :( That place was horrible. The best dinner we had was Wed. night at Benihana :) that was delicious. Other than that, I just ate in the hotel every night usually around 10-11 PM. Sigh, I wish I could go back again. It was fun.
However, one thing that really confused me was uhh...this certain girl. I just really wanted to talk to her about how everything is going and why she stopped talking to me. It just seemed like she really didn't want to talk face to face. Are you hiding something from me? Could she have just stopped wanting to talk to me? Is she scared? Did she find someone else? It is kind of hard for me to express my feelings through words right now, but I just want you to know that if you think that I don't like you anymore, I want you to know that I still do like you. Well, you know who you are if you reading this. I would really like to talk to you again. Please don't try to avoid me. :( I would also like to dedicate a song to you. Elliott Yamin - Wait for You. It's a lovely song.
"...why can't you look at me, you're still in love with me, don't leave me crying."
I know it's a little early but...
I would like to wish Natalie Sun a Happy Birthday.
Have an amazing 13th year.
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